“Call out to the whole divine night for what you love. What you stand for. Earn your name. Be kind, and wild, and disciplined, and absolutely generous.”
Dr. Martin Shaw
This is not a time to waffle. Things are SOUL SIZE for all of us these days, from the antics in the White House, to the slow and steady assault on the art of deep connection. We are hyper-connected for sure, and so very far away from really seeing and feeling one another. Seldom does someone cross the bridge into the world of another, in the oh so speedy and efficient digital age.
Take a look at this phenomenal Ted Talk by Hedy Schleiffer, one of my most cherished mentors, to see what it means to “cross the bridge” into the world of another person.
The reason it’s important to remember this art is that it allows us to realize what truly matters. We won’t find that in our busy minds filled with our old stories , that blind us to what is before our very eyes.
From my experience as a therapist who sits with couples all the time, it is increasingly true that couples don’t even have the energy or bandwidth to engage in healthy conflict. People want to avoid conflict like the plague because “it takes too much energy.” In truth, conflict can be connection trying to happen, asking us to extend beyond our limits and put ourselves in the place of another person. 
What I see is more and more of this superficial numbed out exhausted consciousness that doesn’t allow for depth, connection, or creativity. Or there is the snipping and sniping, and no repair or resolution. Devices, and even children, are brought to bed. There is little sacred space.
What do you really want in your relationship? With your children? Your work? What’s so important to you that you are willing to experience the discomfort of change? If you want intimacy, take a stand for it. If you want open and joyful relationships with your children, take a stand for that and get the help you need. If you want meaningful work, stick with it until you find it.
The overload of information is unlike anything we have ever experienced as human beings. It’s hard to know what to take a stand for, and it’s very important to know. You find out by making meaningful connections and letting things matter to you. You take a stand for something by making a decision with your mind and backing it up with heart.
The Crosby Stills and Nash song, Teach Your Children Well, says:
You, who are on the road
Must have a code
That you can live by
And so
Become yourself
Because the past
Is just a good-bye
We need a code, a blueprint that makes sense. The past cannot necessarily teach us what we need to know now, because when we rely on the past, we limit ourselves, our growth, our possibilities. We cannot become our true self, when bound by the woundings of the past. We must be able to imagine into a possible future that resonates with what we stand for.
Life is a quest, and we are wired for questing, to reach beyond for something worth reaching for. But we need to know what that is, what we are going for. It’s not the college degree, the perfect job, house, or body. Those are the outer trappings, and not the longing of our souls.
Let’s keep it simple. Human beings need 3 basic things to be healthy and happy:
- To belong to a tribe or family
- To find their genius
- To engage in meaningful work
All these things require us to “be kind and wild and disciplined and absolutely generous,” These are qualities that can help you take a stand for something that you can live by. You hold the tension of the opposites and breathe into your heart to forge a path on the road of your life.
But first, you must take a stand for something that really matters.
