The definition of the verb defeat is “to win a victory over someone in a battle or other contest.” In our culture, to experience defeat is akin to experiencing failure, and we have been taught to avoid failure and focus on success, at all cost.
There is a power to accepting defeat consciously however, that has nothing to do with failure. People in Twelve-Step Programs know this on a gut level, as their true success arises from that acceptance of defeat which is surrender. This frees up oceans of energy that is bound up in battle to then be used in the service of the next step we are asked to take.
Why do I bring this up now? For one, I have accepted defeat around an event I had planned in Toronto, and for which there are too few people. By doing so, I have freed up the time and learned from the process, and been inspired to write about this in the larger sense.
I have listened to the stories of many people who are disenchanted and even angry that they have spent so much money on programs that do not bring the results they were promised. They then pay more money in hopes that the next bright shiny object will provide the magic bullet to their success. I contracted a case of this myself and have had to return to some tried and true remedies of truth-telling and spiritual autonomy to come to my senses.
There are many “successful” (I uses quotations since success is so subjective) people making a great deal of money from using the influencing and manipulation techniques of the old paradigm. They still work, though less and less, as consumers are becoming jaded and tuning out.
There is a new paradigm (really new) being born in every level of our world, and the way it is manifesting in business has 3 main components:
- Transparency (Truth)
- Connection (Compassion)
- Invitation (Honoring)
Truth in marketing is essential, and making false promises always leads to disappointment. The story of The Emperor Has No Clothes comes to mind when I watch some of the outrageous marketing happening by those who say they are all about being authentic. Hmmm. Let us not play dumb and simply call a spade a spade. It is an influencing game.
Really connecting with the people you serve means you care about them. When my friend became ill and wanted to pause her work with someone she spent $50,000 to work with, she received no answer for weeks, and when she finally did, the answer was that it is not part of the policy. Hmmm. That is unethical.
Invitation is simply that—and requires no coercion. I found myself recently being put down because I would not invest in a program. Hmmm. There is something wrong with this picture where someone has been taught to use shame when they do not get what they want.
I accept defeat. It doesn’t work for me this way. It never did, and it rarely does for healers and creatives and those whose primary orientation is toward the inner world. Accepting this defeat is freeing up the energy to collaborate with other healers and visionaries to create a program for the New World where power tactics are no longer used, and love is the true currency.
Ah, sweet defeat allows me to win the victory over trying to fit in where I don’t, and connects me in the truest sense to that which is the same in each and every one of us…..the light of our magnificent souls.
