“The innermost heart says, ‘You are enough. Nowhere to go, nothing to get, nothing to change. No need to grow more deserving You, yes You, are Love.’” ~Tosha Silver
Statistics show that about 610,000 people die of heart disease in the United States every year–that’s 1 in every 4 deaths. Heart disease is the leading cause of death for both men and women, referring to physical heart disease.
I believe that there is another kind of heart disease that ravages the lives of men and woman and families even more than physical ailments of the heart. It is the dis-ease of not feeling good enough. Of all the challenges people have presented to me over the years, the most universal is this painful and debilitating wound.
Women and men experience this phenomenon in different ways, and though I have never done an official study, my experience is that one gender is not more immune to this dis-ease of the heart than the other.
The Inner Critic
The Inner Critic is a sub-personality that every human being has, and its main function is to keep us safe and out of harm's way. It will criticize, dismiss, belittle, and even abuse a person to keep him/her from showing up authentically and in the full glory of who they are. Then there can be no rejection, failure, or humiliation, because the best of the person has not shown up. Then it goes on to criticize for not showing up!
This part of us is installed by outside forces, and is not the voice of the True Self, which would never put you down or hold you back from your dreams. To mistake the voice of the Critic for truth is a very human error, because that voice resembles authority figures from our childhood who were supposed to have our best interest at heart.
When we live our lives as if the voice of the Critic were true, we are left with this gnawing and insidious feeling of not being good enough, which takes the wind out of our sails and keeps us playing small. It’s a cycle of self-abuse that we are never proud of.
No wonder we don’t feel good enough! We know, deep inside, that we have more to offer life. This gap between who we think we are and who we really are creates great suffering.
Befriend your Inner Critic
There are many ways to approach this dilemma of not feeling good enough. When I work with people, I tell them that they cannot get rid of that Inner Critic, but rather, that they must encounter it with another part, which is often barely if at all developed. Growing this other part is the deepest work of therapy or any spiritual path. It is a part of the Self that is sovereign, discerning, and entirely non-judgmental and connected to the True Self, Often we grow this part by modeling a therapist or a grandparent or some mentor who offers unconditional love.
As we grow this wiser and less reactive part, the Inner Critic does not simply disappear. If we stay the course, something powerful begins to happen when we become an ally with the inner critic and learn to transform its fear into a new enthusiasm for what is possible. We must first teach the Critic that we cannot hate ourselves into being our best selves!
Tools such as mindfulness, breathing, mantras and affirmations help us to develop this wise part, by stopping the automatic reaction of self-criticism before it becomes toxic. It is heroic work and I believe it uplifts the vibration of the collective as each of us takes a stand for something magnificent in ourselves.
One of my favorite tools is to imagine my Inner Critic outside of my head, which helps me relate to it, rather than be defined by it. Try it. If you give it a name, you are now on a first name basis and can begin to shift the tide.
We are made of love
I personally have been able to liberate myself from the tyranny of my Inner Critic by understanding the laws of creation on earth and to remember that as a human being, I am made of love.
Before conception, we were souls in non-physical form. The soul substance is composed of adamantine particles, taken from the Greek word adamas, meaning invincible and referring to something extremely hard or unyielding. It could also be indicating something clear and brilliant, like a diamond.
When the term “particle” appears with adamantine, it derives from quantum theory and describes all fundamental, subatomic particles that form all the elements in the Universe. These particles assemble the atoms of all the original substances such as oxygen, hydrogen, and iron and are the basis of everything that exists. Imagine that! They are the smallest particles that cannot be divided any further¾crystalline particles of infinity that store the potential to manifest any original element or substance.
These indivisible particles are part of the trinity of existence: spirit, love and adamantine particles. Adamantine particles are the constantly changing, continuous flow of high frequency potential manifesting as matter under the command of love. They are like individual waves rising from and falling into the infinite ocean, at once separate and one with the ocean.
The exchange of adamantine particles is the exchange of life, which goes on throughout existence. They are particles of infinity that are irreducible, fundamental, and utterly elemental. Not only do they comprise our body, but also the wind and the ocean and everything about us, under the guidance of love. There is an ongoing exchange of these particles throughout eternity. They belong both to the infinite world and the limited realm of physical existence. They are Source or seed energy.
All matter comes from adamantine particles, and it is love that connects and commands the adamantine particles. These particles respond to a magnetic field, and the heart is the magnetic center of a human being. Through our heart we magnetize adamantine particles and by our love we command them.
Everything emerges from the infinite expanse of Source energy contained within these particles. It is another way of saying that before you were born, you were with God—you were one with God/Spirit/Absolute Being. This is who you are. You are made of this very substance, which is love.
Uncovering the lie of not good enough
It is so important to see that the essence of who you are is under the command of love, in all dimensions, so you cannot possibly be “not good enough.” It is the biggest lie of all, that we are separate from love.
What’s more, the quality and power of love we choose to embody determines the extent to which we can command the adamantine particles and create harmonious and happy lives. The more we feel, share, cultivate, and receive love, the more our lives begin to be reflections of that love.
Not good enough will not go away quickly, because humanity has been very committed to its perpetuation through religion, education, unconscious parenting styles and relationships, as well as marketing and cultural norms. But we can do our part by remembering that all narratives that lead you to feel not good enough, less than, or inadequate as a human being are fabricated beliefs—-not real, not true, and upholding a grand illusion.
The next time your Inner Critic puts you down or “shoulds” in some way, say, “Thank you for sharing. You have been such a great protector, and have helped me get this far. I sure could use your help in this next phase of my life where I want to dig deep and do a few things I’ve been holding back on. I want to let go of worrying about failure and take some risks that may make you feel uncomfortable. So I’d like you to consider a new job as my risk advisor, letting me know when I get off course or ahead of myself. I will however, be making all decisions based on the love in my heart, and I appreciate you as a trusted ally in my unfolding destiny.”
