“Stepping out of the busyness, stopping our endless pursuit of getting somewhere else, is perhaps the most beautiful offering we can make to our spirit.” Tara Brach
Human beings need a slowed down pace to avoid “soul lag,” a condition in which the spirit of a person cannot keep up with the pace of the mind, body, and technology. Soul lag, like jet lag, where the body does not keep pace with the time zones, is uncomfortable and is an obstacle to joy.
You don’t have to take a sabbatical and live in the Andes for 11 months, like I did in 2005 to give an offering to your Spirit. Looking back, I realize how dropping into my very own rhythm saved my life in many ways. I had been so involved in doing and achieving, being the oldest of 7, a mother of 3, and then a psychotherapist. I had been tending to others my entire life. I somehow listened to a wise, or desperate, (or maybe both )part of me when I heeded the call to slow down and take the time to simply be. I was no longer at the mercy of anyone's needs or schedule, and began to synch up with my own soul. For anyone who could, I heartily recommend such a bold move. I learned so much during that time, and want to share the key points here:
- Heal your relationship with time.
Rushing to do things stems from and creates the belief that you are running out of time, when in truth, time is a major illusion.
Isaac Newton thought of time as a river flowing everywhere at the same rate, and Einstein evolved his view on time by unifying space and time into a single 4-D entity—time/space. Julian Barbour declared the solution to time in physics and cosmology as simply saying “there’s no such thing as time.”
Barbour says that we are continually moving through a succession of NOWS, and each configuration is an arrangement of all that is in the universe. “…many different things coexisting at once. There are simply the NOWS, nothing more, nothing less,” says Barbour.
If time does not exist, there is no past and there is no future. The illusion of time passing comes from change. We observe changes and we decide that time has passed, when in truth, all the moments are happening now. Since some of the NOWS are linked to others, there can be the illusion of time passing and a story of cause and effect.
As the rate of change picks up in the digital world, we are left with an increasing sense of time moving so quickly and that we are running out of it. As soon as you get present to the NOW, time slows down to the present, and that feeling lifts. It is an offering to your Spirit.
And besides, Deepak Chopra says that buying into the illusion that you are running out of time causes you to age more quickly!!!
- Develop self-compassion until it is as second nature as breathing.
If you want to be happy and fulfilled, you must become your own best friend, and cultivate a deep and sustained sense of compassion for yourself. In all my years of inner and professional exploration, I have come to know that compassion for yourself is the key to true happiness, and not feeling it contributes to depression, anxiety, addiction and low self- esteem. Compassion allows you to connect to the LOVE you are, and sets loose a change in you that has no off button! It is essential if you are to have healthy relationships with others.
To cultivate compassion, you must develop your observing self, witness, which can be done through meditation, therapy, and other forms of focusing inward. You begin to notice the voice of the Inner Critic that brings you down, and is void of compassion. You remind yourself that anything that causes you to feel bad about yourself is not the voice of your True Self, and you dis-identify with that voice, and reply, “I am Love, and I am doing the best I can,” or something that works for you. It is an offering to your Spirit.
- Know what is yours to do, no more, no less.
Many indigenous societies believe that we all possess original medicine― a kind of personal power that is ours and ours alone. It is true that no two people possess the exact combination of strengths, talents, and challenges. This means that if we compare ourselves to others, we are disowning our own original medicine. If our medicine is the gift we bring to the world, then not believing in ourselves and our unique medicine affects everyone.
Emanating from our essence, our priceless and incomparable original medicine is often not valued in a world where we are taught to compare and compete. In fact, it may not even be recognized. Gail Larsen, a beautiful teacher who taught me to speak while being connected to my original medicine, says, “We are often unaware of our medicine or devalue it because our inherent gifts come naturally to us. What is natural is effortless, so it can seem ‘ordinary.’ We can also obscure our medicine by pursuing directions that are not aligned with who we really are and who we are here to be.”
Take the time to name and claim your original medicine and use it for good. This is what is yours to do, and is more than enough. It is an offering to your Spirit.
- Cultivate your capacity for awe and tenderness.
When you think about it, children are masters of awe and tenderness, as are animals. They have not become hardened by adaptations that are meant to protect their essence.
When we fall in love, we naturally speak the language of awe and tenderness with our Beloved. During the courting stage there is much more time spent looking at magnificent sunsets or lying in front of a fireplace caressing each other tenderly. Once a couple becomes caught up in the pushes and pulls of everyday life, less and less time is devoted to such activities.
Research on couples who have been partnered for many years and who still claim to feel passion and an “in love” feeling for each other has come up with some interesting findings. Compared with the reaction when looking at friends, seeing the spouse, activated parts of the brain associated with romantic love, much as it did when couples who had just fallen in love took the same test. This I associate with the feeling of awe.
In the older couples, researchers spotted something extra: parts of the brain associated with deep attachment were also activated, suggesting that contentment in marriage and passion in marriage aren’t mutually exclusive.
This second finding has to do with a feeling of comfort and security, which I associate with tenderness. The chemical oxytocin is found in high concentration in these couples, and is the same chemical that is released when a mother nurses a baby, or when we stroke someone or something we love.
After many years of working with couples, I have noticed that some couples, no matter what the conflict or struggle they may be experiencing, share this sense of awe toward each other. I see it in their eyes, and it is usually accompanied by a tenderness that is palpable. They deal with their differences with greater ease, and have an easier time repairing after an emotional rupture. They are also couples who make it a priority to share sacred time with each other on a regular basis.
Cultivating awe and tenderness asks that you take the time to be present to such moments, which activates parts of the limbic system that bonds you to others. It is virtually impossible to maintain an illusion of separateness when you are experiencing lots of awe and tenderness!! This is an offering to your Spirit
