On his desk, Dr. Bob Smith, the founder of AA, had a plaque defining humility:
“Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my lord in secret and be at peace, as in a sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.”
The inherent calm of the heart
I was so touched when I read this description of humility, which is unlike the dictionary definition of humility as “a modest or low view of one's own importance.” In fact, it is realizing how important one’s peace of mind and heart is, and taking one’s self to that “blessed home” inside where the judgments and harsh projections of the world do not disturb the inherent calm of the heart.
Right now, with the divisive and deeply unkind rhetoric about vaccines, which is a continuation of the great divide on racism, guns, abortion—you name it—there is a battle between humans and their beliefs going on about everything. I feel physically ill when I watch the news at times, something I have noticed as the factions in government have become more oppositional. I really don’t know what or who to believe, as everyone claims to know the truth, and nothing much quite resonates deep inside me.
Clients who have chosen not to get vaccinated have come into my office in tears, breaking down from the harsh judgments they are receiving from friends and family. Some are losing their jobs. This truly beautiful piece by Stacy Bremer, an Imago therapy colleague, resonated so much with me, as she addresses the kindness, curiosity and inclusion we are called on to express, no matter what are decisions are.
Embracing anxiety
Anxiety is rampant, and confusion, brain fog, escapism. Anxiety begets anxiety, as survival parts of the brain are activated and people actually become anxious that they are anxious, and thus seek to make the feeling go away. As my clients often say, “Being anxious makes me anxious.” With humility, we can learn to embrace anxiety as part of the human condition, and find loving ways to be with it. Now more than ever, we need to find that place of stillness within, where we draw away from the world to sit with the one who needs us the most—our own precious self.
At times I find the drawing inward a tall order as I see all that needs to be done, both personally, and in my work. There is so much need. Whether consciously or not, we are all being affected by the ocean of suffering that is part of the human condition. And yet, I cannot give from a full cup unless I do. None of us can. We need to source from the true Source, if we are to answer the call to be part of the solution.
There are many meditation apps now, such as Insight Timer and it is awesome that people are using them, and learning how to be mindful. It’s a bright side of technology, where people can learn to go inside, in a world that grabs for our attention as never before. There are breathing straws such as the one by Komusodesign
that help to calm the nervous system, and essential oils such as Serenity and Balance from Doterra that assist the process of connecting to that quiet place within. I say use them all, yoga, walks in nature, prayer, music, and hot tea.
Working with the ego
When you use any of these with a spirit of humility, the difference is profound. Humility is not so much a station we arrive at, but a way to travel through the world. 
It is being willing to acknowledge that you have reached the limit of what your ego mind can handle, and you need to pause, go within, and connect to a deeper well of love and mercy that is always there. It is never about being right.
My friend Alex calls the ego the “sacred clown,” because it seems to know everything and to believe its own false assumptions as if its life depended on it. The ego is a frightened caricature of your true self, the part of you that copes with the harsh world in ways that are not always honoring of your essence and deep heart—-as well as of others. The best way to work with the ego is give it a rest and be kind to that part of yourself, and humbly turn inside, realizing that the world does not depend on you or your opinions to keep turning.
Contrary to what your ego may tell you, when you drop your need to be important, and turn inward, you develop personal power and become a light from the inside out. The American theologian and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman said, “There is in you something that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will every have.”
The role of self-compassion and patience
There are many reasons why people have a hard time turning inward, not the least of which is the fear of being subjected to the harsh internalized rhetoric of the Inner Critic, which is the voice of the ego. The miracle is that once you turn inward deeply enough, you will find the love at the heart of everything, and hear the voice of self-compassion offering a perspective that brings forth more whole-heartedness.
The Irish mystic John O’Donohue says about self-compassion: “When you are compassionate with yourself you trust in your soul, which you let guide your life. Your soul knows the geography of your destiny better than you do.”
Self-compassion brings the quality of patience, so needed to achieve anything of great value in our lives. In a world of instant gratification, where you can swipe right and find the love of your life within seconds, (though more likely find a one-night stand), being devoted to a dream that you nurture over time is becoming a lost art.
Dreams must be patiently nurtured inside us like infants that we prepare to bring into the world some day. We must spend time with them in the quiet place inside, and become deeply intimate with our true motivations. To manifest your true destiny, you must cultivate humility.
I believe that the rise in the number of people experiencing anxiety has a great deal to do with this digitally driven mindset that fails to value the timeless virtues of patience and humility. Some are even caught in the compulsion to post every precious thought on social media for approval (or not). No judgment here, but I promise you that your inner landscape will become far more beautiful if you cultivate patience and self-compassion, rather than a huge following.
A humility practice
Something that can make a difference right away is to cultivate a humility practice where you turn inward several times a day. You can mark those moments on your phone. It may help to use a breathing straw, which is an ancient way to reduce stress and anxiety by slowing your heart rate down.
- Sit comfortably with your back straight, face, neck and shoulders relaxed.
- If you have a straw (with a small diameter) with you, keep it ready in your hand.
- Inhale fully through your nose and then put the straw in your mouth and exhale fully and slowly through the straw. Make sure you exhale fully, be gentle; do not force the breath out.
- If you don’t have the straw with you, you can make the shape of your lips as if you are holding a straw in your mouth. Inhale slowly and fully, and exhale gently through the imaginary straw in your mouth.
- Inhale through your nose again, then exhale through the actual/imaginary straw in your mouth.
- Try to breathe down into your abdomen. Feel the rising movement of your abdomen as you inhale, and falling movement of the abdomen as you exhale.
- As your entire system quiets, draw inward to the still quiet place inside you, which you can most easily find in the center of your chest, toward the back. As you breathe, imagine the entire space of your upper back and chest expanding and expanding, creating more and more space.
- If your ego mind starts to pull you away, continue to breathe and return to that expanding space.
- Become aware and grateful for this inner sanctuary.
You can time this for 5 minutes. So little time, and such great benefit.
May you return with ease and grace to the blessed home within you.
May the light you find there pour into the world.
