“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
Echart Tolle
Conflict comes from the Latin, confligere, which means “to strike together.” Inner conflict is when two opposing feelings, beliefs, desires, or thoughts come up against each other inside us, which most often creates tension and an inner struggle that interferes with our ability to be fully present. This conflict takes many forms, and for most people will be experienced when there is an addiction, an extra-marital affair, or some form of dishonesty, where a conflict of values is at the heart of the dilemma.
Maybe you are conflicted about remaining in a job that has become deadening, or you might be managing bias in the workplace. A huge part of you wants out, and the security-driven part of you is afraid to leave. You alternate between anger and fear, as inertia sets in, and you adapt to this conflicted state. Possibly you sleep more, drink more, or escape in other ways, just so you can get by.
One of the most difficult inner conflict situations is when a very big part of you wants to leave a relationship. You have done all you can to improve communication and accept your partner for who she is, and yet, you think about leaving all the time. Then there an equally big part of you who believes in keeping your promise, and feels horribly guilty at the thought of breaking up your family.
This inner conflict leads us to feel both fear and anger, and begins to affect our emotional and physical well -being. Let’s face it, there is nothing pleasant about inner conflict, and it often causes us to lie awake in the wee hours of the morning. Part of the reason for this is that there is a connection between sleep and the liver. Often, if you find yourself lying awake between the hours of 1-3 am, tossing and turning with unsettling thoughts in your head, you are dealing with the liver. The inner conflict that causes issues with the liver is linked to anger. This could be anger toward someone else, the situation, or the self, and needs to be acknowledged and released. You can also look into health supplements like liv pure that promote liver and organ health. You can find an in-depth liv pure review here if you want to learn more about this product.
If you are facing one of these deeply challenging times, here are some mind-shifts that can help you find inner peace in the midst of struggle:
- Shift your attention away from the notion of a right or wrong decision. This either/or way of being is a mental process, and there are other parts of you that can support you in resolving the conflict. You will never resolve inner conflict with your mind alone. In Twelve Step programs they say “turn in over,” which means bringing the need to decide to a Higher Power, which can be God, or your own Higher Self, who has far more wisdom than your ego-driven mind.
- Shift away from anger toward the self and lean in the direction of having compassion for yourself that you are struggling with inner conflict. Apply Plato’s wisdom to yourself: “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
- Shift away from seeing your dilemma as a problem, to seeing it as an opportunity. When you do this, energetically, you align yourself away from “problem” toward “solution,” which is one of the major principles in the book Energy Leadership by Bruce Schneider. See inner conflict as a signal that you are out of alignment with your True Self, and the conflict is getting your attention to do something about it.
- Shift away from ideas of what you “should” do, which most often is based on unquestioned beliefs from external conditioning. Your body, mind and emotions are all there to support you to come to your own authentic resolution that aligns with your highest good.
- Shift away from trying to avoid pain, and be willing to acknowledge the sadness beneath the anger and fear. Inner conflict often leads to a state of ambivalence, is really about the fear of loss. You realize that making a decision will cause loss or pain, and you can become paralyzed from the fear of feeling necessary pain. Come out of denial and tell yourself the truth about how you feel. This may mean letting up on some of your escape behavior, and leaning into your deeper emotions.
If you are a miserable parent to your children because you have decided to remain in a situation that you’ve done all you can to transform, you are not doing them any favor. If you are having panic attacks on the way to work, the decision to tough it out may lead to even worse health challenges. Be real with yourself.
- Shift away from needing to be certain, to finding an inner knowing that you will make the best decision you are capable of making. Let the real decision be your firm intention to be honest, kind and clear, and be willing to feel the emotions that come with the consequences. This will create a spaciousness inside that makes room for everything that is happening.
Certainty is not the holy grail that dissolves inner conflict. In fact, in the midst of great uncertainly, trusting yourself to show up as your best possible self can bring an inner peace that begins to loosen the grip of inner conflict. The felt experience of being at peace opens up the space to do what needs to be done—have the conversation, give the notice, get into the treatment program—-to take the step toward healing the split within.
May I learn to welcome inner conflict as a friend that points me in the direction of inner peace.
